I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
