What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You need a sexual gate keeper
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
