Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
