break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
