remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
