i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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