Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
