That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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