with your own penis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
