I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
