Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
