Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
