Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize