I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
