We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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