i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
