I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
