Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
