Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
