I didn't shave. On purpose
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
