is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
