apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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