READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
