i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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