im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
