Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
