i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
