Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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