i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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