I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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