I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
