I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize