The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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