Don't make out with my wife yet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize