So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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