just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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