Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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