I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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