whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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