I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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