Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
