i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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