Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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