and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
