my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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