I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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