So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
