I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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