The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never underestimate the power of titties
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize