That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
