if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
