I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
