I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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