i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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