I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
