FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
