what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
