he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
