I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
