listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize