I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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