I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
