it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
