No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
