He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
