I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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