***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
