I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
