Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
