playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
