Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this will be a night to untag.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize