Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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