People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
