Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want nice things and good sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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