well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
