Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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