I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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