How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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