dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
