I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
