He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
