And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We got so high we made milksteak
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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