Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
