My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
