That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
