I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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