third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize