Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
