I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
