Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
