If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
