literally had 100 drinks last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize